The vantage point is everything.
When I’m in the moment with my daughter, face to face and working together on whatever it is that this generation Z happens to be challenging even their millennial parents with, my daughter seems old – matured even. Yet when I speak to her on the phone, her voice still so small, her request for help still suggesting she needs her mom.
Already at 10, she’s between child and teenager, the next time we blink our eyes, she’ll be an adult. But vantage point is everything.
It’s too easy, with my past and with my busy schedule to assume that she is growing too fast for me to keep up. It’s too easy, with her amazing, loving father as the main caretaker, to assume she perhaps doesn’t need me. The guilt of the working mom. But vantage point is everything.
I recall a home video, a time when her sweet three-year-old self would beg to go to the store with me, tutu and wand in hand. She’d turn to run/crawl upstairs to get something and would call back down, “don’t leave me, mommy.” Yet, It is I that call this out daily, echoed in every wrong reaction I may have with her sweet spirit: “don’t leave me chic flick”. But vantage point is everything.
MAA Log: Day 10
Mindfulness, Acceptance, Appreciation
I am mindful that as Mothers and Daughters, our relationship will ebb and flow. I am mindful that I perhaps react in a way that, even out of my love for her, is counterproductive to her growing and free spirit. I am mindful that she will internalize our relationship to discover more about herself and her place in this world. What a precarious position.
I accept that vantage point is everything. And as the Mother, I accept that I have the ability to direct the course of our relationship and where we will ultimately land. I accept the responsibility to come to terms with my growing daughter’s heart: to allow her to be freely her true self, without reaction, so that she will find her grounding away from my shifting emotions. The only ‘reality’ that I want her to internalize of her time with me is confidence, rather than blame that I fear may come from my working mother’s guilt.
I heard once that as parents in the ‘sea’ of our children’s life… we are not the waters that carry them out to the destiny to which they belong. We are not the adventure. We are the shore. An ever-present safety that they should be able to come back to when tides are high and seasons end. I accept that responsibility and will work on everything that I need to in order to be her safety, not her undertow.
I appreciate that I have time with this precious soul and heart. A true adornment for all this world to experience. She has been my everything and I am so proud of the woman she will grow into. I appreciate that there is time within our growing pains to assess and address these heart issues. I appreciate that the vantage point is everything.
I appreciate a husband that supports all my growing pains and helps me to move through them a bit more gracefully. I appreciate that life gives us many chances to do it right, yet they are limited and for that I appreciate that I have something so special with my baby girl that it is not too late to be the shore that she needs as her tide brings her into season where patience, gratitude, gentle direction, love, and admiration are the ingredients most needed.
Adiah, I appreciate you and everything you are.